Breaking Wheel
Saint Catherine is said to have broken her own breaking wheel by divine intervention. We tend not to do that, instead, we build a wheel for ourselves out of our own matter, in our self-doubt, self-harm and self-sabotage. In a way, addiction is another reflection of that. We feel undeserving unless we go through some martyrdom. When the big suits in our world get on stage and tell us that we’re not enough for just being who we are – in fact, being born one way or another may be an actual defect, according to these people – and that meritocracy, the most pristine idea in theory but the most horrid thing in the real world, is the way to lead a nation forward, yes, it fills us with despair, and it’s time to mark it all again.
Sometimes, we need to be reminded that it is okay to kick back, look in the mirror, and say “you’re alright.” You don’t need to go through hell to be worth something, and the lows we go through are as part of the journey as the highs. We’re just people. And that, unlike many alternative ways of thinking, is a difficult pill to swallow.
This song was originally written for my never-quite-ready-to-exist psycho emo band Cereal Killers, which featured the mind of my dear friend Maeve. Sorry, friend, I stole it for myself.
Come back, baby, like you always do
You’ve never been one to refuse no pain
Daddy told you “you can never grow without breaking skin”
Do you think it’s time to prove him right again?
I don’t care just how you feel
You should see her at the breaking wheel
She can’t count the tears she’s cried anymore
And she won’t care just how it feels
Life’s a road and she’s the breaking wheel
Always whipping her own back, she wants more
You have to deserve it, so take the hit
Everyone else goes through the same
Make it nice and deep so you’ll be worthy too
You know it’s time to mark it all again
And I don’t care just how you feel
You should see her at the breaking wheel
She can’t count the tears she’s cried anymore
And she won’t care just how it feels
Life’s a road and she’s a broken wheel
Always whipping her own back, she wants more
Take a drag
Breathe it in
Please learn, my mirror
The greatest thing you were taught was a sin
Was being kinder to yourself, yeah!
I don’t care just how you feel
You should see her at the breaking wheel
She can’t count the tears she’s cried anymore
And she won’t care just how it feels
Life’s a road and she’s a broken wheel
Spinning on and forever, she wants more
And I don’t care just how you feel
You should see her at the breaking wheel
She’s locked forever, she’s loved forever
And she won’t care just how it feels
Life’s a road and she’s the breaking wheel
She’s locked forever, she’s loved forever
