Fenmore

This is a song about love. I am unsure as to whether it is a song of unrequited love or not. This is because I am not sure if the love this song talks about wants to be reciprocated at all, or if it just wants to exist as it is at a particular point in time. 

Love is a curious thing in that it exists in a two-dimensional form within a five-dimensional universe. It inexists in the space dimensions, impossible to touch or see, so it occupies its own subjective and metaphysical dimension that it shares with every other feeling – as real as can be, and as undeniable in its existence as oxygen, fire and water – and it also exists in the dimension of time. In our lifetime, we will see loves be born, grow, age and die, sometimes with us, sometimes before us. 

But time isn’t a linear thing, as we know, thus, love, at any one selected point in time, is always perpetual. Now, just as a body crossing the space dimensions is subject to the wear and tear of things like friction and air resistance, needing a force to keep propelling it onwards, lest it stop moving, when love moves through the time dimension, it needs a propelling force. Sometimes, the force that feeds love comes solely from within the lover – those are the loves that need no reciprocation, of a rarity so deep their own existence is doubtful. Most loves need external feeding, energy from the loved, whether that be in the returning of said love or through signs the lover perceives and interprets as a return. The first case is the shape that most romantic loves take, while the second ends up being most similar to religious devotion than anything else. The relations between how much a love can feed itself and how much a love has to be fed, and how, are what separate romantic love from what we call – maybe a bit too loose and inaccurately – “platonic” love. They’re what separate a childhood or teenagehood crush from the mature love we expect to guide people into the institution of marriage. They’re what defines devotion, obsession, passion and admiration; the love for an idea, a person or a family tie. Again, this is only possible by taking in the travel through the time dimension’s effect on love, for every genuine iteration of love, once allowed to be felt, starts out the same in the particular point in time where it exists: all-encompassing and eternal. 

Once, after a quiet, albeit joyful, get-together with a small number of dear friends, those dear friends and their not so dear accompaniments had long departed, leaving me on my own with my beautiful host, a person of great power in the spiritual capacity, an old soul with tales so foreign, but which hit so close to my heart. There, upon the imbibing of ethyllics and the passage of considerable time into the midnight, secrets were exchanged; more easily from my host than from myself; languages, rituals and sigils were shared, and love bloomed. For that night, it was as passionate and eternal as any love which I have carried across my dimension of time has ever been. 

Whether it survived the journey to the present day, that’s irrelevant to the song, uninteresting for me to delve into, and above all, one of the secrets I can indeed keep well. 

Conveniently, “Fenmore” is a blessedly devoid-of-gender old English name, meaning “the loved one”. 

I keep my heart on my sleeve

And write your name on the page

I don't think I'll be writing home anymore

I learned your secrets so easily

I kept mine under lock and chain because I'm 

Not ready yet, not ready to go

Don't feel the same, don't play this game

Don't look my way, I won't answer yet

It's difficult, I'll keep my hold

You touch my soul

And on we go

Jewelry coats your fingers

Cover me in thirteen roses

What I have learned about you is what makes me

So into learning your poses

Mesmerized me and kept me alive

Sitting drinking your story all night

This place has an aura awry

I just know that it messes with my mind

Don't feel the same, don't play this game

Don't look my way, I won't answer yet

Oh, candlelight, show me the path

You let me through

And I'll love you

Never knew it would have to be so hard

Nothing happened at the right place at the right time

Let me pull your thorns out

Touch your very soul

Let me hear you, let me hear your cries

I want more

I want more

I want more

Want more

Want more

Want more

Always more